Goals

In the absence of clearly-defined goals, we become strangely loyal to performing daily trivia until ultimately we become enslaved by it. - Robert Heinlein US science fiction author (1907 - 1988)

After reading this I had to wonder: do I have clearly-defined goals? would I say I am enslaved by daily trivia?

I was hoping this would be the prompt to an inspiring blog post but I'm not sure what my answers would be.

Are my goals clear? Nope. I want to be a great dad and a great husband, but I don't have any certain plans on accomplishing those things, I just know I want to be that. I want to get work done around the house and make time for my hobbies in a responsible way, but don't have any strategy for doing that.

What I have done is made myself a running "GTD" (Get Things Done) list, complete with check boxes, to hold myself responsible for accomplishing certain things. So far it's menial stuff: clean the oven (check); paint the entrance to the basement (check!); and so on. I'm thinking it should expand to greater things like find a new recipe each week, exercise for 30 minutes at least once this week, do something new with Ellie at least one day each week, surprise C with something good each week... [I'm good with the bad surprises: check out my self-inflicted mullet haircut!]

Anyway, hopefully this quote will push me to better define my goals and recognize the daily trivia in my life. Sorry I didn't reach a better resolution, but hopefully you'll be inspired, too!

Winter, Fabric, and Money

The author of a popular cycling blog recently wrote this: "For some reason, fall makes me start to look at touring and randonneuring bikes."

Well, in my life, plummeting temperatures makes me want to bundle up in lots of heavy duty layers and I don't care if that clothing is large, baggy, and so ill-fitting like every pair of Carhartts that are available in the USA. I just want to wear boot socks, long-johns, canvas work pants, and as many tops as will fit under my winter coat. Instead of visiting bike websites, I prowl for workwear. I dream of wool and windproof softshell.

It's outrageously dorky. I know.

I hope that, in anticipation of quitting my job and forfeiting our second income, I can get crafty and start making some cool stuff, like shirts and pants and hats and socks... maybe more baby clothes than anything. I've been sourcing crazy, technical fabrics. I bet C should be getting a headache from having to roll her eyes so much when confronted with some of the ideas I've been coming up with lately.

Anyway, we had a really short conversation about money last night. It didn't really get anywhere since neither of us had enough attention to pay each other; but we agreed that maybe we should give up an unessential expense each month, even if only for that month, to better understand our budget. This month, for me? How about, no buying clothes?

Life be crazzy

Man, this life be crazy. Waking up through the night, "walking" little Miss Babygirl in a marathon around the house, trying to soothe the aches of her first tooth which decided to come at the peak of a cold she's been suffering, trying to compensate for a babysitter that was MIA for four weeks... it's madness. C has been taking the brunt of the work, as not only does her body make the food that comprises 98% of E-boo's diet, but she is also more compassionate and generally more sacrificial than I am. She get's it from her mom. Sometimes that difference between us leads to stress but eventually I find a way to make up for it because, and I believe this, I'm a pretty good guy. Maybe not great, but good. As in not bad. But as usual "not bad" isn't "good."

It is how people respond to stress that determines whether they will profit from misfortune or be miserable. - Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

Anyway, long story short, I told my boss (after months of rallying the "balls" to do it) that I am ending my work as an Environmental Consultant--a title which apparently only means "a wage slave that works in a hostile environment consisting of shitty conditions and long, uncompensated hours." Yeah, I'm over it.

Fall is in full swing and Winter is knocking on the door. With the door to my future open wide in front of my face I am pretty excited, slightly nervous, but mostly full of hope and faith that life will get on to be as awesome as I ever expected it to be. C and I have been extra crafty lately which, in my case, has been partly influenced by my brother- and sister-in-law who are growing an ever-impressive photography business from scratch, and my increasing desire to work on my own terms, which is constantly at odds with my other undeniable ability to be lazy whenever I find a chance.

Today was particularly blustery and bone-chilling and I made myself bike to the office. It's a great feeling, cruising on a bike. I'm obsessed. Unfortunately, time constraints are squeezing me from all angles and I'm averaging about 1 mile a month. Not sure that's going to change anytime soon, and I don't regret anything that's causing that, except maybe not quitting my job earlier... But even still, finding time to ride is much harder than, say, cruising the World Wide Web and witnessing other people doing it. Bleh.

Meanwhile, I'm going to strive to figure out the meaning behind the above quote and turn any lingering stress into profits. Cha-ching!

Brain dump: stress and a triathlon

Wow. It's been a minute, eh? If you're reading this I'm not sure why--I'm guessing it was by accident. My life has been "a hot mess," as they say, and busy, so writing has dropped way low in the priority list I lost a long time ago.

A couple recent political items have boiled my blood lately, including the overwhelming outcry against the proposed Islamic Community Center near Ground Zero. The hatred, ignorance, and bigotry against an entire religion that surfaced was appalling.

Oh, and I guess astronomers found a planet just outside our galaxy--3 times the mass of Earth--that has the potential to support life like we know it. News anchor, Brian Williams, made some comment along the line of "it's nice to know we have a place to go when we mess up this planet." Shit. He's right. Now there's a backup plan and I'm sure it's going to be a bloody race to get people there. It's a fantastic thought, and a terrifying one at the same time. Those sentiments sent shivers down my spine just to think of the (distant?) future of Earth and what sort of scary, corrupt, greedy things might come of having a second planet, a virgin planet, that is waiting to be dominated.

This weekend is the Little Miami Triathlon in which I will be teamed up with my dad to canoe, run, then bike our way toward Accomplishment. My "training" has been laughable, but I have faith that come race day I will muster up whatever awesomeness possible to finish in decent time. If nothing else, this whole thing has forced me to get out and run and feel a lot more healthy than I've felt in a long time.

Ellie is growing so much, eating food, and working on her balance. Words do no justice. Hopefully I'll get more videos up here soon.

Work

I'm writing this in homeward transit from a two-day, out-of-town job. Not sure how I got out of driving on this return trip, but it is affording me some time to finish data entry, chat with C, and catch up on my stories. Two days hanging out in farm fields under a merciless sun, trudging through oppressive heat and humidity, picking up wood ticks along the way (just found another one!); not to mention the goofy work schedule that kept us outside until 9:30 at night and the fact that we weren't able to settle on dinner until around 10:45... and bed by 12:30.
At 5:30 this morning (when I was waking up to start our work day) I found text messages from C about Ellie waking up crying several times and Alden barking and needing to go potty. Sweet. All of this has amounted to an increasing feeling of helplessness and frustration and resentment of my job.
Not sure what to do...

Attack of the Abominable Snowman & Happiness

Way back in college, someone started a saying; a simultaneous question and exclamation, the history of which I can only conjecture: "What the D?" Probably a perversion of "What is the deal...?" it rivals another favorite of mine: "W-T-F?"
And that's what I'm asking the world, with all its snow, piled atop layers of more, merciless snow and ice: What the D?

At first it was beautiful and exciting and fun. But after so much of it, it's hard not to get frustrated and bummed out about it. Aldy is stuck inside a lot more than on warmer days; I'm constantly having to shovel the driveway and have lost the ability to bike to work; C's job is affected when schools are closed and meetings are canceled for snow emergencies; and we're all uneasy about the mounting ice/snow pile on our roof and the new, mysterious trickle of water down in the basement.  It makes me want to freak out!

But each time I realize I am starting to be overwhelmed with pessimism, I give myself a moment to collect as many optimistic, positive thoughts that I can. Aldy really enjoys playing in the snow and I can let him hang outside for a long time while I shovel and scrape the driveway; the water in the basement was coming from one, isolated spot, and C's dad suggested that maybe the problem with the water leak isn't as big as we were worrying about.

It's been helpful that C has brought home a few books that explore Happiness and (through her) I've been channeling optimism and considering what it is that makes me happy. I say "through her" because I don't really read. I mean, I can read, but for whatever reason I have a strong aversion to reading and absorbing information through books--especially non-fiction. Unfortunately, I have no interest in fiction. Either way, I haven't exactly figured out what are my values, but they include optimism for sure. So, for now, we're waiting out the snow. With C growing a baby, we're limited in what snow sports we can partake, but eating food is still on the table. Get it?

Ready for the weekend!

...Since Monday morning I have been. That's not a great way to live life, eh? It's not that bad. I just love my home life and can enjoy it more when I get closer to 72 consecutive hours of it...

Getting excited about our baby girl. She's been moving like crazy. My cousin Emily had her baby girl this morning (or last night?), and about a month early I think. Craziness. Last night C and I started into an art project for the baby's room. I always get stressed when making art. It's my M.O. Not fun for anyone else. That's why I couldn't be an artist for a living. I'd kill somebody. But when I do create something I like, I'm on top of the world.

Life is pretty great, though, right now. Been skateboarding a little bit; doing small projects around the house: art; organizing; purging unneeded stuff...

Bought a new bag, which will be my diaper bag of choice and will replace 2 backpacks I should get rid of... Timbuk2. Hope it's all I expect it to be... Also bought some skate shoes from the local shop for $25. Too damn small. That's the second time I've done that. I might look at it as a donation to support a small local buisness... I do stupid stuff sometimes...

Had a great lunch meeting with an associate today. Gyro with chips and a... beverage... one that counter-acted the coffee that made me so jittery until then. That's a great way to end a week. Didn't affect me at all, but I felt guilty, so prob won't do that again... Might have landed some more work though in the process, and it was his treat too.

Good music today, trying to run up the rest of my 40 hours of allotted free streaming I get each month from Pandora. What a shame.

Anyway, work is boring and I'm ready to enjoy my home life...

Love and skateboards

Dumpstering pumpkins, trick or treating

Today we set off on a walk to go buy some last minute pumpkins from the Boy Scout sale that's been going on for the past month a few blocks away. Turns out that some genius decided that selling pumpkins on the (beautiful, sunny Saturday) morning of Halloween was a bad idea so we turned the corner to find an empty parking lot. We did, however, notice a bunch of cardboard boxes stacked next to an unsuspecting dumpster in that same parking lot. On further investigation we found a shit ton of perfectly good pumpkins packed away and destined for the trash. Seconds later an SUV pulls up as we are peering into one of the boxes full of squash. A woman and her daughter got out. Quickly I asked "Are you all in charge here?" I can't remember the woman's response but it was basically like "No, we're here to save these trashed pumpkins too." It was marvelous. Dumpster diving for perfect pumpkins. We ended up taking 3: a large, medium, and small pumpkin--as much as we could fit into our backpack.
It was awesome.
C carved a rad "spooky tree" in the medium size pumpkin, and I broke a knife trying to carve into the thickest, gray-colored pumpkin. I saved some seeds to bake later

Passing out candy is always a mixed bag of feelings. There are cute kids and I feel bad about giving them teeth-rotting sweets. Then there are the kids that show up not dressed up in any way, not even pretending, with their parents following in their SUV, and I just wish I had some shit to give them. Then there is the group of teenagers with skateboards and I make fun of them by guessing what they are dressed up as: "Ryan Sheckler?" is my most common guess. I overheard one kid of one group of teens say "I wish I had a blunt." I said loudly "Who's talking about blunts?" Half of that group decided not to come over for candy. A year or two ago, one stupid girl held out a pillow case with a lit cigarette balanced between her fingers. I wanted to throttle her. Go home you stupid teenager that is wasting my time and candy.

Anyway, I'm not such a grump. One group of teens was really funny and actually had funny costumes and I made fun of their costumes and they were cool about it and were just out to have fun and get some candy without being douchebags. Thanks.

That's all I got. Happy Halloween!

Effing A, Cotton. Effing Aaaaaaaaaaa

So, the internets have been pretty boring recently. And as I am getting amped on my morning brew, I am compelled to lay out my strategy for piecing together this new bike sooner than later... Here goes

So far I have the frame and fork, the insides sprayed with J.P. Weigle's Framesaver, and a bunch of parts that have been cluttering up my drafting table for a month

First thing's first: I need handlebars (Ritchey Logic Pro Biomax II - bam!).
Secondly, and maybe more pressing than handlebars, I need the steering column on my fork cut down. Problem? Yeah, I can't do it, and I don't understand how to figure out the right size... I kinda do, but it's like ordering a custom suit online in a way that you pray you got the size right the first time.
Ok, so I get the fork cut (and star nut pressed into the fork), then I can officially set up the frameset, including headset (Cane Creek S1) and stem. It's practically an intact bike at this point.
Am I on "four" yet? I want different tires (looking at white 28c Vittoria Randonneurs to replace the chunky treaded 32c's I have). I might need these tires before I get the fork cut cause the bike shop owner suggested having me "get on the bike" to see how it fits before cutting it down. "What bike?" It's a frame right now. So maybe I need to make it look like a bike (wheels, tires, crankset, pedals, seatpost, saddle...) before it is one? Nah.
Five: Now I get to put all the small parts on: derailleurs, cables, crankset, etc. I get to spend an obnoxious amount of time painting grease on all the tiny screws to repel water. I'm pretty sure I need a few replacement parts like a bit of cable housing that I messed up, maybe a new crankarm bolt that I think is stripped...
Six: I'm still up in the air about pedals. Clips (toe cages & straps) or clipless?  The price isn't too different between the two choices. I'm leaning towards getting some clipless pedals but I'm not convinced my regular 1.5mile commute will accommodate the hassle. On the other hand, soft-soled skate shoes get chewed up by the pedals pretty easily... Eff. Thoughts?
Seventh place goes to hooking up my brakes and shifters. That's probably gonna be a pain in the ass
Eight, wrap handlebars (the tan Cinelli cork tape I bought should look pretty dope)
Niner: figure out how to install my Nitto Mark's Rack on the front without tripping up the cable of the cantilever brakes. Don't worry if that doesn't make any sense to you. I've got a couple ideas and will probably post pictures if it ends up working out. I hope it does, cause it's a dope front rack that I got dirt cheap.
Ten? There has to be a ten. Ride it? Ok
Ch-ch-check it out: (by Mike Giant)

Conspicuous

In the face of Holiday sales, it's time again when I need to challenge myself to stop thinking about buying certain, unneeded things for myself and consider a target or goal to put my consumption in perspective. For example, there are two things I've been craving lately: a new pair of shoes and a new coat. It might be worth mentioning that for a long time now I have harbored four fetishes including bikes, hats, backpacks, and shoes. Lately, due to the fact that I'm outside more than ever before, I've added jackets to the growing list. This last obsession is at least a little more practical than the others... right?

I've taken inventory of the things I already have which includes nine pairs of various types of shoes and two winter coats. Damn. What this tells me is I need to get better about fulfilling the useful lives of these things before considering replacing them--and when that time comes around, I need to be more considerate about the quality and utility of each thing I buy. That last part has to do with things like proper fit, good materials, and multiple uses.

So, I have set two general targets for myself: no new casual shoes before my next birthday and no winter coat until next year. It will be a good exercise in self-control. Do I hear New Year's Resolution???

Hmm... I've only thought of one other N.Y.R. for 2009: run at least twice a week, every week. See how I am being specific? Oh yeah. Probably more to come...

If you have any fixations, feel free to use the Comments section as a therapy session of sorts. Or, if you have managed to transcend the binds of such mundane compulsions, take this opportunity to confess your superiority. But seriously, write something; participate.