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Believe it or not, this girl is turning ONE tomorrow.

My instinct is to say the last 365 days blew by, where at times it seems impossible to keep up with her. And while my head is still spinning, this last year was a lifetime where every week Ellie has evolved into a new person; every day she has learned something new and is a world away from where she was on April 8, 2010. It's so easy to take myself back to that day, precariously holding Ellie for the first time, thinking about all her vulnerabilities, all the things she couldn't do for herself; fears and concerns; predictions and hopes.

Tomorrow is big "numero uno" and the day after is the party to begin all parties.  Anyway, there's a lot more to come.

Bonk

Yesterday, Ellie took a pretty good face-first spill outside on the driveway. The result is a scraped up, ping-pong size bump on her forehead. Although it probably wasn't any worse than any of a few of her other falls C was justifiably worried about it, and I was too, but all signs (including a cheery-as-usual mood, toothy smiles, and properly dilating pupils) convinced me things would be okay. My plan was to make sure she would wake up multiple times during the night.

After E fell asleep in her crib, my attention turned to the TV, per usual. At the same time 60 Minutes was airing a story about a project serving wounded children from war-torn countries. Featured was a young boy (10 years old? younger?) from Iraq who stepped on a landmine which blew off one of his legs, an arm, and his left eye, while completely disfiguring his face. When they showed him going through all the reconstructive surgeries and then gave a follow-up, my eyes welled with tears.

This put my worries into perspective and grounded my concern. Granted I was still sure to keep an eye on Ellie's condition, and I chose not to write this post until today when I could be sure everything was okay.

Selfish

"I hope you flip over your handlebars and knock out your two front teeth you selfish son of a bitch!" Vince Vaughn as Jeremy Grey in Wedding Crashers.

This past weekend--Saturday to be exact--C and I agreed to allow each other an hour of personal time. I was excited, the day was sunny and warm and dry and perfect for a bike ride. I suited up and enjoyed every inch of a ten mile loop I improvised.

Did I mention that earlier in the day C spent her hour frosting cookies for us? Us. Granted, she had been wanting to do that for a while, using some cool new frosting bags and a tip she just acquired, but darn. I don't feel too bad, like, I know that the bike ride was quick and a huge boost to my morale, but I hate to think that it was so selfish in the light of the things C chooses to do: making Ellie a scrapbook of her first year of life, clean the kitchen, make cookies... What the eff? I'm mostly kidding. I think she enjoys these things she does. They are outlets for her creativity and things I obviously wouldn't choose if I found the free time. I hope that fact doesn't bum her out. Does it?

Thanks for checking in

The world is spinning, so madly. Today was a rush. Lots of little errands and things that were orchestrated so perfectly. It is a sunny afternoon, C is home from work, and as I type this my nose hovers over a steaming hot cup of Starbucks. I got a new shirt for 3 bucks; Ellie got new jeggings--Yes, "jeggings"--and our car is finally getting the attention (read: maintenance) it deserves. It seems like the stars are aligning. Also, I start my new job this weekend! I am beyond excited to work at a bike shop. It's very possible I will suck at my new position as a mechanic, but only time will tell. I am halfway done with taxes. Did I mention that I am drinking coffee?

I've been obsessively reading articles and watching videos about bike repair and getting excited about all the fun outdoor things that warm weather will be bringing. I still haven't done anything about preparing our gardens for the year, but figure that will fall into place within the next two months.

Anyway, thanks for checking in on this blog. Ellie is huge and walking all over and babbling and her teeth are making her miserable but all is well and maybe I'll finally upload photos and videos soon! Stay tuned, but as always don't hold your breath.

(Part time) JOB!

So I've been sitting on this for a week now and got confirmation today: I got a part time job as a bike mechanic at a shop down the street. Woo! Literally about 0.2 miles away. A few hours a week, every other weekend. My first thought is, "Awesome, it's become a dream of mine to work at a bike shop!" (It satisfies my desire for more social interaction while also promising to fulfill my obsessive bike-fix.)  My second thought is, "...and I can bring home a little bit of money to supplement our income!" (Thereby feeling good that I was doing even more to help our family.)

My third thought, which sort of trumps the others, is "But is this going to be a stress on C and/or Ellie, trying to schedule time away from home and not be worth it overall? Is C going to hate whatever our new schedule works out to be?" (This is partly a selfish endeavor that pays little and will require I work some weekends and possibly some evening hours.)

Well, we'll see. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out and life goes on. I've been imagining this to be the skate-shop job I never had, where I am surrounded by bikes and get to talk about bikes and geek out about bike stuff at the shop with people who care about bikes, instead of my poor family who has to listen to me talking about bottom bracket spindles and chainlines and so forth. Plus, employee discounts, group rides, and the like... I'm having trouble imagining it sucking. That is, unless it doesn't work out with the fam. That will always be a deal breaker.

Happy Valentine's Day (with a couple of treats)

I don't have anything planned, but felt like this post would be my card to the world: forced like so many other holiday cards, it's not going to say anything very meaningful, but please know I'm thinking about you and I love you nonetheless.

For you gardeners out there, here's a dope Growing Calendar on the Burpee's Seed website. Plug in your zip code and be amazed. It suggests when to sow seeds for particular crops of plants. Cool. I should be sowing a bunch of stuff inside right now... Oops.

And finally, for all you young parents, here is Will.I.Am on Sesame Street. Pretty sweet. I gave up on trying to find a free download of it though. Holler if you do

The art of silence

Like Zach Morris I'm going to freeze time real quick just to unload this kvetch so I can get on with the day. My life is now marked by silence. I cringe at the clank of dishes as you might a gunshot in the next room. My head spins at the clamor of a door shutting into place in the jamb.  Don't get me started on a creaking door hinge: the bane of my existence. All this because Miss Ellie is sleeping. I walk on eggshells, pee sitting down, and will mute the TV if it is on. Part of the reason is to not wake Ellie; the other reason is to hear if she wakes up. Every aberrant noise is an explosion. As you may have already realized, this is mostly overreaction but I can't shake it because it's working so well. I just can't handle noise anymore.

That is all.

Goals

In the absence of clearly-defined goals, we become strangely loyal to performing daily trivia until ultimately we become enslaved by it. - Robert Heinlein US science fiction author (1907 - 1988)

After reading this I had to wonder: do I have clearly-defined goals? would I say I am enslaved by daily trivia?

I was hoping this would be the prompt to an inspiring blog post but I'm not sure what my answers would be.

Are my goals clear? Nope. I want to be a great dad and a great husband, but I don't have any certain plans on accomplishing those things, I just know I want to be that. I want to get work done around the house and make time for my hobbies in a responsible way, but don't have any strategy for doing that.

What I have done is made myself a running "GTD" (Get Things Done) list, complete with check boxes, to hold myself responsible for accomplishing certain things. So far it's menial stuff: clean the oven (check); paint the entrance to the basement (check!); and so on. I'm thinking it should expand to greater things like find a new recipe each week, exercise for 30 minutes at least once this week, do something new with Ellie at least one day each week, surprise C with something good each week... [I'm good with the bad surprises: check out my self-inflicted mullet haircut!]

Anyway, hopefully this quote will push me to better define my goals and recognize the daily trivia in my life. Sorry I didn't reach a better resolution, but hopefully you'll be inspired, too!