Back to School: Shit Just Got Real

Today I registered as a new student in a post-Bachelors teaching degree program. It's not undergrad, it's not graduate school level. It's between that. I'm a meta-grad student. I've had this on my radar for months but this morning I was freaking out.

I like people to tell me what to do. When left to my own devices I go do something unproductive like ride my bike or whatever. But if C asks me to do something I'm on it. Or if, in high school, somebody was like, "Go to college and do this," I probably would have. But no. People were all, "What do you like? Do what you like." And since at the time skateboarding wasn't too promising, I picked the next best thing: Biology, the study of life. How cool is that? Life is great. Life is animals and crazy ass insects, and blood and guts, and plants that do crazy shit, and so on. It was great. Then I had to do something with it. Ecology. Awesome. Graduation came and then I had to do something with this degree. Environmental Consulting? Sure. It fell in my lap. Well, five years, one baby, and a growing fetus later, I finally realized it was time to quit a job that really chewed up and spit out my spirit. And it didn't pay well or provide any sort of benefits whatsoever.

A couple years down the road and you find me, today, registering for classes to become a teacher. I keep suppressing the anger (or disappointment) that is sloshing around inside of me for having not figured this out sooner. But here I am, ready to move forward. This summation totally ignores the time I've spent at home with our girls as the stay-at-home parent, which has been the coolest, most rewarding thing I've ever done in my life. That reason alone reconciles the problem of quitting a bad job and needing to find another career path. These issues have afforded me a chance to bond with my daughters in a way I never imagined. I'm not saying I'm good at what I'm doing now, but it is teaching me a ton.

But this morning I really started freaking out; about tuition costs and the stress that will be placed on my family over the next three years. I know we'll make it work but it's a stress I can't avoid any longer.

Keep posted--but don't hold your breath. We're in for the long haul