instant gramming

December 3, 2008


They are a perfect food. And the sound of an apple is that of puppy dreams and rainbows.

When I was a freshman in college, I had the opportunity to tag along with a small group that included a couple of professors and students from somewhere around Wooster to attend a conference titled "Students for Sustainable Agriculture" in Madison, Wisconsin... I think. The whole trip was a whorl-wind and the details were hazy from the start. All I knew for sure was I didn't have to pay for anything, the trip in the van was 8 or so hours, and I was going to a part of the country I had never visited.

Along the way, one of the professors pulled out a bag of apples--probably local and organic, based on the theme of the weekend. As she was talking, she took one out and began eating--that is to say, she never stopped talking, but continued as she crunched through each bite loudly, slurping and crunching, such that I imagine she was gasping for breaths in between the chaos. At first I was grossed out, but became fascinated that she was talking and eating that crisp-slash-juicy apple at once. I don't know about what was the conversation. I am suspicious that all five of us were eventually eating apples and talking. It was marvelous. It gave such life to the apple, as if the perfect sound of an apple was channeled through talking while it was being eaten. It includes that low, muffled bellow that is made when your mouth is full and you try to shield the fact from your friend while continuing to talk; your jaw is hung out a little more than normal as if to hold that food like a plate; your tongue slips to the back of your throat to prevent choking and make space for both food and sound. It defines the collective sound of farms and autumn and sustainability and positive energy...

I am eating one now--a Royal Gala--and the loud, crisp crunch and slurp together fill the relative silence of my closet-sized office.

And it is imperative that a crispy apple be chosen. I'm no connoisseur, but highly recommend Fuji and Galas. No "Red Delicious" for me. That mushy shit has got to go.

Go buy (or pick, then buy... or grow, then pick) a crispy apple and eat that ish off the core. Swim through the sound and make sure it is extra loud. If you can, find someone with an apple and have a lively conversation while you both eat so that chunks of apple flesh and juice are exploding from your mouths like joyous fireworks.
Ok. I'm being a little too sappy here. Admittedly, I really have to be in the mood for an apple--and usually I'm not. Today, I've been hungry all day--so, needless to say, I was really feelin that apple... I didn't mean to belittle puppy dreams or anything. Enjoy at your own risk.

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